Offense

Sometimes, I have a very difficult time just shrugging things off.

I realize that this is a huge problem.

Sometimes, I am more intentional about trying to just let things go...

other times, not so much.

I keep trying to figure out why I have this...

why certain people just really get under my skin...


and others, who should get under my skin, are easily forgiven by me.



sometimes I wish I could just let everything roll on by....
not thinking a second more about it...

and other times, I just want a reason to be so damn mad and not care what it does to me...

or to that person.

sometimes, I realize that I am the problem.

and sometimes I simply do not care.

but other times, i feel this gut-wrenching shame that overtakes me...
makes me step back just a minute to look at the situation.........
hurts my heart....
and makes me sad.....

but I don't lose heart...

because I know that this pain...
this anger...
this disappointment...

is only a symptom of a deeper issue...

pain that stems from long ago...

pain that is not easily fixed...
pain that took years and years and years of growing and stewing within the depths of my heart.....
and pain that, if peeled away, would reveal a very hurt, broken, and vulnerable girl.


I expected more from her.

I got less.

yet in the midst of this dark place....where offenses lie in wait...

I find something very precious

and I smile...

as I recall moments in the past that God has brought me through...

helped me see...
helped me work through pain...
given me the backbone to stand up...
and given me grace when I have fallen....

and this, my friends, gives me hope.