Water.

I remember walking out to our porch on East Jefferson Street late morning on June 7, 2008 and with tears streaming down my face and my voice as loud as it could get, begging God to send the water elsewhere. "There are people in Africa who need the water!! PLEASE send it THERE!!!"

I turned around and saw my four year old son peering out the front door of our 1890's house with a confused look on his face. Mommy had just told him that it would be okay....but her actions just showed otherwise.

Exactly three years ago from this very second, I was standing (maybe sitting) at the end of the street, waiting for the flood waters of our home to recede. Greg and I were guarding the area as all of the police officers were dealing with their own woes (the police department and many of the cars had been washed away). We kept a watchful eye out for the creepy guy trying to break into houses across the street. I screamed and yelled at two teenage boys earlier that day who were wading through the water and trying to enter a local gift shop. I was angry. I took it out on them. Later that day, I told two other boys that there were all kinds of creepy snakes in the water and that they should probably get out. Greg and I still laugh about that to this day....

and tonight, three years later, I am sitting in the comfort of my new home, listening to the whir of the fan and the heavy breathing of my sleeping husband, while my son and daughter are asleep in the other room. I have clothes in my closet, food in the pantry, and a calmness inside of me that trumps all of the sad feelings I have from the day the flood destroyed our home and left us homeless.


You see...through the chaos and the hardship the flood has caused, it has also given me great hope. I'll admit that the flood was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to endure. I lost some things that meant a great deal to me....like hand-written letters from my biological father (telling me the very things a girl really needs to hear...), my guitar (received as a gift from my Husband who wanted to encourage my guitar playing....), pictures (oh....pictures....), important documents (like birth certificates and our marriage certificate--that i still have but smells terrible from the fuel oil), my hope chest, and various other things that I had become attached to. I still have memories embedded in my head of my son's toy room and the destruction of the things he valued most (at least the most a four year old can...), the humongous pile of items that were thrown on our curb for the trash men to pick up, the way the garage looked as if someone had picked it up and violently shaken it, the way everything looked after looters decided to have their hands on our house, and the really cool 1950's couch that we just loved and that allowed countless people to sleep on (we took in several teenagers throughout our youth ministry stint), sit on (during mentorship sessions and Bible studies)...and I remember that very couch being thrown on the curb after being destroyed by 'black water' from the flood. that broke my heart.

But...

I also remember people. coming to our rescue. showing up. hauling. crying.hugging. washing. cooking. buying. blessing. pouring into our lives.

and i sit here with tears welled up in my eyes...because God is big. And He met us where we needed Him most. He met us that day when I collapsed to the ground because there was a flippin' HUGE hole in our foundation...and He met us the night we snuck in to our house to assess the damage, and He met us when I freaked out because the rain returned two weeks later and began to flood our yard again....and He met me when I met with FEMA and IDEM and the Fire Station and the Daily Journal and the Health Department and neighbors and the Planning Department and the Town Meetings and the Salvation Army and he met me the day the guy from the Mortgage Company told me that I needed to get a 'real' job to pay for our mortgage and the countless times I had to remind the mortgage company that our house had been destroyed and the times I just wanted to break down and cry and tell anyone who would listen that I was quiet...or stand-offish or a little on edge because my world had fallen apart!......the list goes on and on. But most importantly, He showed me that His strength is all I need.....

I have found through the sorrow, there's a comfort from within...through the pain, there's a healing that takes place, and that joy does come.

So tonight, I continue to allow myself to grieve over a tremendous loss, but I thank the Lord that He wasn't surprised or caught off guard by the flood....that He knew it would happen and that He continues to work in me, work in my marriage, reveal things to me from this traumatic event, and that even in the midst of chaos, His love continues to win me over.

"The LORD sits enthroned over the flood; the LORD is enthroned as King forever" Psalm 29:10